The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

View previous topic View next topic Go down

The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Mac B on December 5th 2016, 10:36 pm

Hope you got time for a novel kiddos cause this is as gritty as a retelling of a true event gets




It was sweltering spring evening, the commons of Thunderdome teetering with unhushed activity. Talks of each other's days occupied the "How Was Your Day" bar, which mostly served non-alcoholic beverages but was by no means dry. Political debates between the civilians commonly arose, usually with the communist rebel FD taking the meat of their mantles lately.  The Creative lodge was producing enough fine arts and wingate memers to fuel the the forum's engines for months.

    At the outskirts of the forum, local moonshiner Mac B was drinking up the sun and 'shine on a ragged reclining leather chair. It wasn't rare to see him here, where he held a backgrounded presence and therefore an inherently watchful eye on the forum, not alert though neither oblivious. The sun was just starting to set when an odd but unmistakable presence caught his triple-vision eyes, something that was familiar to the forum but hadn't been present for a decently long time. He shook his head and focused - What was it?

    The orange-white striped shirt and brown ballsack nose struck him. Bloodthirsty for revenge, R.T. City the crestfallen scribe was approaching on a Gryphon's back, his I'm-With-Her pin placed proudly on his breast. Then the sunlight burned the obscurity of the army behind him. There was little time.
Mac B sprinted up the bell tower, yanking the rope rope and hollering out "Lil' Wingate's back! And he brought company!" In that moment the women and children scattered for safety, and the citizens, turned protocol militia, filed out the gates and formed a uniform line before the entry, locking an loading in an instant under the command of General Epoch.

    Mac B descended from the Bell tower and joined the line of defense, sawn off in hand between the company of Samoyed and Tyson. Samoyed held a standard issue M1911 and Tyson had enough tricks up his sleeve to make the baseball bat in his right hand useless -- the the immediate Rough Rider Shitpost Squad Calvary didn't have access to as many destructive weapons as they had in the past due to the dwindling need for them, but each man in the regiment had enough passion to take on a whole army individually and come out screaming and throwing punches. Epoch looked over opposing force as they became more visible and OTx's condemned came into light, ablaze with vengeance.

    Aside RT stood his first commanding officer, notorious traitor AMSK8R and their supermassive biological weapon - CHINKERATOR. Behind them, numbers on numbers of pony loving nerds and communist eco-terrorists and barely visible at the back of the battalion was the dangerous crackhead Tomoko, baring a japanese katana with no shame. JMM was among the ranks, towing a wagon of ruined diapers while sporting his own. The spectre of SWB was watching with the highest nose possible from their numbers. The entire force smelled like shit.

    Epoch grit his teeth and turned to vice president Stalin.
"We can't outstand them here. If we let Link get close to the forum it'll be flooded in green apple splatters, God knows what R.T. will do if he even gets in 10 yards of it." Stalin's eyes grazed over them. No uniform, looked like a typical rioting mob. They had a marginal edge of unpredictability due to this, but...
"Take the fight to them. Gorilla squad formation."  Epoch shouted directions, "You heard the man! Gorilla squad!" The line scattered into immediate groups of four, with Stalin, Epoch, BJ and Flade on the first squadron charging east, Tyson, Samoyed, Mac B and Ugly going out to the west side. This distracted the Wingate Battalion enough to separate them more, making it easier to take them on. BJ had a commie on the ground, beating his face in with his bare hands until he felt the dusty ground beneath scrape his knuckles, and proceeded to bodyslam two nerds running to the dead enemy's defense in a single motion, sending them into cardiac arrest. Flade was using his specialized weapon to distract R.T. - The 447 PWC "Pizzer Launcher", large pizza pies launched into R.T.'s face at breakneck speed at 1 pie per 5 seconds. (This unphased rt as his neck fat anchors his chin in place). This caused him to yell in anger "God damnit! Toxic retards wasting all this pizza!"

    Rifle fire from Epoch crossed the sound of Mac B's rebel yell as he kicked down a 200-pound pink haired whale, his combat boots sinking into it's face and crushing it's skull as he shoved the hot end of two barrels in the eyes of an Amsk8r slave and let it breathe fire, making it rain chunks. In a drunken rage, he swung his makeshift bayonet, a machete duct taped to the top, in the direction of a Gryphon cavalier and decapitated the beast it rode. He heard a shrill screaming and turned his head to see, for a mere second, a twig-like man donning a black fedora with a sharpened picket sign charging him, though his advance was cut off by the collision of his face with BJ's fist, throwing him backward with a hole in his face. "Watch your back, and don't forget who saved your sorry ass" was followed by a bellowing "Yee YEE!"

    Tyson was at the back of their offense, dressed professionally in a black suit and a wooden bat in hand"
"hh, what's up doc?" He twirled the bat tauntingly at the Japagoon menace, Tomoko, who spat back "Damare kimi wa usagi kuso!" (黙れ 君は ウサギ クソ ). Tomoko made the first strike at Tyson's stomach, who keenly slunk back enough to avoid the tip of her blade. "Eh, you didn't want to do that, boss!" Tyson swung at the sword and momentarily threw out Tomoko's arm before she struck again, which was met by a harder strike of the bat, knocking it out of one of her hands. Tyson stepped closer, rearing back his bat. Tomoko feebly raised her chinese sword. "Nuh-uh uh. I wouldn't want to have to break that toy you got there" Tomoko's last salvageable words were "Baka!" before Tyson shattered her sword with a smash of the bat, and finally sent her flying with a home run swing, leaving her to reach terminal velocity with her costume flying off and shit falling like bombs from a plane. Tyson looked up at his deed. "Good lord. That thing was a guy
?"

    The Wingate Battalion's numbers were dropping, and dropping fast. R.T. was in panic. "Damnit Ammy! Can't you hack into the Modem and make us admins?" Ammy had been cyber scouting this whole time, eyes racing from lines of code and urls alike from the inspect element menu. He was frustrated. "I can't! It's protected by SmokeyOS, it's unhackable!" RT grabbed Ammy's laptop "Gimmie that! I'm calling in Irene! You round up the fatties and put them at the front of the line, put JMM and his crew behind them." Ammy was shocked and almost piss scared but after a pause he did as commanded, and with enough megaphonery, The remains of the Battalion gathered behind the gargantuan frontliners, R.T's fat, greasy fingers were greased lightning on the keyboard, but forgetting he was banned from OTTD, he let out a shout of anger and threw Amsk8r's laptop into his army "God dammit TOXIC RETARDS!!" meanwhile, JMM and his force were catapulting shit filled diapers by the tens at the Thunderdome, compromising it's natural luster with some projectile affecting the Shitpost Squad, leaving some hurling. Stalin and Epoch took cover. "He's learning how to strategize!" Epoch was reloading, at first it didn't seem like he heard Stalin's words as he looked off into the battlefield until he responded. "I've got an Idea. Go get the Big Blaster and rev up the grills. We'll hold them off but make sure those grills are burning - Propane!" Stalin set off. The Blaster request didn't come as a surprise, but he didn't consider he'd have to hear Epoch say those words - The grills, the propane, he knew what this meant.

    Stalin ran through the Thunderdome. Admin panel, propane, grills. He'd almost forgot- "Spinny!"
Spinny was not present on the battlefield. As an animator and general artist, his talents were being employed to promote what left of the forum to recruit on the battlefield. "Yeah?" Mr. Spiney T. Things answered with the swivel of his office chair, a yellow journal in the making on his monitor. Stalin tossed the keys to EHQP, a basement housing the most treasured, revered, and sometimes shamed artifacts to come to the dome. "Big Blaster. Now. Drop it off out the door." Spinny went to EHQP and sifted around the locked boxes - archived SmokeyOS, trophies, essays on the economic state of Puerto Rico... There it is! Spinny hauled ass but many a box toting had given him superhuman hauling abilities, barely affecting his walk speed as he made it out the gates and set the massive, technologically masterful but mystically arcane weapon down, barring the gates on his way back in.

    At the corner of the parallel hall, FD stood and watched. "Helping out those retarded fascists?" His words dripped with judgement as they wavered in the air, but didn't stop Spinny, who was quick to respond. "It's called helping your country, FD. Something you'd know little about." FD was naturally taken aback by this, as he is the sole contributor of nazi communist propaganda and the golden dab, enlightening others politically on an almost daily basis. This set him off, and he marched into Spinny's office with a piece of his mind in hand. "What do you mean? I've been the-" Spinny cut him off before he made the author repeat his last line. "You've been sitting on your ass politicizing the battle effort and demonizing the people making sure you're not literally drowning in Link's shit right now," FD almost laughed at his, the hypocrisy in Spinny's argument tickling his chin. "Me politicizing the battle? What are you doing right now?" Spinny had not stopped working, typing an article in one hand and drawing a topical cartoon in the other. "I'm delivering facts. Cold, hard facts. There's an army of angry nerds out there and they want blood." FD got to the core of his ethic. "Spinny. They're killing communists. They're killing people with different views. They're killing-" Spinny stood up out of his chair and looked down at FD."People trying to kill us!"
This lingered for a moment, Spinny regained composure and sat back down, immediately returning to his work. FD took a few steps back and looked out the window at the battlefield of blood and feces. After a minute of silence, Spinny spoke. "You wanna wipe your ass with their risk, that's your prerogative. They may not like what you have to say, but right now they're fighting like hell to defend it." FD had no words, so he walked out.

   The Shitpost Squad took up a linear formation again, much closer to the slow moving, supermassive parasites, making it harder for the catapultists to hit them. Samoyed was firing off rounds as fast as he could, aimed for the neck arteries, eventually causing one to keel over. Flade was refilling the pizzer launcher when some chocolate ice cream fresh from the brown cow landed right beside him, forcing him to take cover. This thing took a good 5 minutes to fully cook the pizzas to lethal pies and he had to take up an M107 sniper rifle and take shots with it. Epoch fired into the crowd and took cover behind a mighty oak. "Damnit BJ, where are you?!" A voice replied not far behind him, "You called?" and Epoch turned to see him, a mighty blaster held with one arm extended in such a way that it looked like a blue donger with one of those electro sound things coming out of it. Epoch nodded. "We'll make an opening, when you can take the shot, pull the trigger"
    BJ started out toward the battlefield. "Piece of cake", he said.
Standing in the middle of fire from both sides, BJ readied his Big Blaster with a snort. The final defense fatass fell with shotgun shell casings. Link was crawling, no, slithering toward the domes, shambling even. If he got just 6 feet closer, it would be enough to put shame to the destruction of Hiroshima, he and R.T knew that, who was watching behind a wall of hardened rat poo poo as a defense measure. BJ charged up his Blaster, the surge of the current audible as it readies, aimed at his
"COOOOOUUUUUUUSIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!"
Lightning pulsed through the gargantuan jap lover, his eyes bulging out of his sockets as he shouted before violently exploded with a thunderboom. The squad watched in awe. "Jesus fuckin' Christ" said Mac B in awe. "That's gotta be some kind of war crime" Dogman said in speculation.

    R.T. was in cold sweats -- he'd lost his #1. "S-shit! What do we do?!" Ammy waited patiently before trying to interject as polite as possible "I-if I may, Chris-" This got his attention "R.T. CITY! CALL ME R.T. MOTHERFUCKING CITY!!!!!" and the volume of his superior's voice made Amsk8r piss himself. "R.T! I still have an old bot that would surely work on the forum, it requires no admin privileges and all we'll need to do is hook up a prox-" "Then get to it! I'm not paying you fumos for nothing!" and with that, Ammy started cracking, but the battle was full frontal once again, their army charging head first with no protection. He didn't have much time, and if the bots didn't get here quick, they'd be done for.

    JMM charged Epoch who, determined not to touch him, butted his heat with his rifle, knocking him out. Ammunition was at critical levels. Mac B had resorted to chopping people up with the machete rigged on his sawn-off, Flade had fired the last pizza pies off onto R.T. and the combined weight of them on R.T. had broken Gilda's back, leaving him furious. Bots started pouring over the horizon to back up the Wingate Battalion in frightening numbers, and things looked grim. Epoch took cover and walky-talky'd Stalin. "Those weenies hot n ready yet?" It was a suspenseful minute before Stalin replied. "I'm gonna need 10 more minutes." Epoch looked out grimly at the horizon and spoke back into the receiver. "I don't know if we have ten minutes buddy, they just called in a shit ton of back up!" The squad was stepping back to plan for what to do next, R.T. was chuckling and he passed his pet Amsk8r a fumo for being a good boi. Suddenly, from the watch tower a thick accented voice yells "Viva la Puerto Rico! Viva la Thunder Dome!", followed by the tossing of molotov cocktails into the crowd of robots, melting them and knocking them into eachother, causing them to malfunction and explode, a "Hoo yeah!" bellowed out towards the tower. FD repeated throwing out explosives at the Wingate Battalion, buying them more much needed time, fire lighting up their troops. It wasn't long, then til' Stalin hit up Epoch and said "You know the drill, give me the code."


    "Everybody fall back! Get in the forum, now!" Epoch shouted, the squad pouring back into the forum. Epoch got on line with Staling, standing next to the gates. "Initiate Operation Weiner Storm."
And with that, suppermassive roasted-pink warheads poured out of the back of the forum and into the sky. R.T shat his pants as he looked into the sky. Epoch bellowed out just in time over the whistle of the war heads; "Bitch DAB!" and bolted back into the forum, locking the gate behind him as the earth quaked, shaking the foundations of the forum.There was a moment of rejoice, everyone high fiving and exchanging "fuck yeah!"s and some congratulating FD on his acts. But there was no way to be sure this was over, until...

    Epoch stepped outside. for a good mile afront the domes, the ground was blackened as result of warheads.
The corpse of Amsk8r was pushed out of the way, seeming to have been scurrying to the gates when he died. The air smelled like burnt shit and pizza, and amongst the bodies, a resilient R.T was seemingly attached to the ground, unable to move, despite his strains against his own weight. Epoch approached him. "Alright, R.T. That was the last straw." and with that , he put a gun to his head, though RT was ultimately unphased."Great job, loser! It's gonna take weeks to clean this up!" Epoch spoke in no different tone "Like how we're still recovering from when you nuked the wiki?" R.T began to protest until Flade's voice called out. "This is it, R.T! Surrender and dab now, and we may let you live!" R.T. thought, half-panicked. This was literally Dab or Die. R.T took all his might and began to slowly raise his arms-

    Suddenly, Stalin's voice shouted through the receiver: "Holy Shit! Epoch, there is an insane amount of heat energy homing straight in on R.T, get back in, NOW!" Epoch sprinted back to the gate but stopped when he heard the massive crash of something falling behind him, quaking the earth no different than the warheads. He turned around, slowly, for fear of what he might see.  

    "I SMELLED CHEEEESEE PIZZER AND POO POO SO I THOUGHT MY SON HAD MOVED HIS ROOM AGAIN!"
The black mass chuckled. "MY BAHD! HOW DO YOU GET THE AIR TO SMELL SO GOOD AROUND HERE?"
R.T. Spoke through strangled screams "Dad! Get off! You're suffocating me!" and Charles retaliated "GOD DAMNIT CHRIS CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO ORDER A PIZZER? DO YOU HAVE DOMINOES? I COULD GO FOR A PIZZA HUT TOO!" "Dad, no!" Suddenly a giant red-white and blue robot landed behind the two Wingates, President Oaky's wingate senses had gone off the charts and he had to see this phenomena for himself -- protected in armor, of course. In an attempt to get a closer look to see if it truly is Charles Wingate, his robot suit topples over and smashes Charles and his son.

A funeral is held there in their memory. R.I.P

Wingate Battalion Casualties: 753 Billion
avatar
Mac B
CASIO MT220

Posts : 5393
volume of testosterone : 200732
Join date : 2015-04-20
Age : 154
Location : sweet baby rays

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by toby on December 5th 2016, 11:42 pm

the greatest otx story every told
10/10
avatar
toby
Toby

Posts : 5900
volume of testosterone : 117621
Join date : 2014-09-15
Age : 46
Location : toby

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by killa on korinth on December 6th 2016, 4:02 am

god damn this is great

_________________
avatar
killa on korinth
hello?
hello?

Posts : 5019
volume of testosterone : 215070
Join date : 2014-09-01
Age : 18
Location : from tha slums of shaolin

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by guardianofappaloosas on December 6th 2016, 11:05 am

HAHAHAHAHAHAA

"dab or die"

_________________
avatar
guardianofappaloosas
Praetorian of Liberty

Posts : 6535
volume of testosterone : 256656
Join date : 2014-09-01
Location : 100 FT UNDER THE WATER CUZ FLORIDA IS LEEETERULLY SINKING!!!!!!

View user profile

Back to top Go down

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Mac B on December 6th 2016, 4:39 pm

fd wrote:0/10 for historical accuracy i wasn't assassinated by the police afterwards
sorry this isnt cuba brother
fd wrote:10/10 for depicting what i would actually do in a melee like this (but i'd also bring a gun)
whats ur arm of choice
avatar
Mac B
CASIO MT220

Posts : 5393
volume of testosterone : 200732
Join date : 2015-04-20
Age : 154
Location : sweet baby rays

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by toby on December 6th 2016, 4:45 pm

ak47 i bet
it is the communist weapon of choice

just trying to joke
don't get salty pls
avatar
toby
Toby

Posts : 5900
volume of testosterone : 117621
Join date : 2014-09-15
Age : 46
Location : toby

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by killa on korinth on December 6th 2016, 4:47 pm

too weak to carry a PKM
too weak to even carry an RPK

_________________
avatar
killa on korinth
hello?
hello?

Posts : 5019
volume of testosterone : 215070
Join date : 2014-09-01
Age : 18
Location : from tha slums of shaolin

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by killa on korinth on December 6th 2016, 5:12 pm

he'd probably be suited with a makarov

_________________
avatar
killa on korinth
hello?
hello?

Posts : 5019
volume of testosterone : 215070
Join date : 2014-09-01
Age : 18
Location : from tha slums of shaolin

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Tyson on December 6th 2016, 5:33 pm

holy shit haha this is amazing
avatar
Tyson

Posts : 1061
volume of testosterone : 90300
Join date : 2016-07-18
Location : oppa climate change

View user profile

Back to top Go down

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Mac B on April 3rd 2017, 11:06 am

history got us doin holokost journal responses, gave me a kinda idea for a sequel to this but it half baked fr
avatar
Mac B
CASIO MT220

Posts : 5393
volume of testosterone : 200732
Join date : 2015-04-20
Age : 154
Location : sweet baby rays

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by toby on April 3rd 2017, 3:08 pm

seriously why was this thread not stickied
avatar
toby
Toby

Posts : 5900
volume of testosterone : 117621
Join date : 2014-09-15
Age : 46
Location : toby

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by professional crybaby on April 3rd 2017, 3:42 pm

we have like sixty two fucktillion stickies we don't need more nigerio

professional crybaby
Duke of Dabs

Posts : 22588
volume of testosterone : 8374
Join date : 2014-09-01
Age : 41
Location : and in the end, someone had to do that job

View user profile http://fudgiefighteria.com

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Mac B on April 3rd 2017, 8:57 pm

appaloosa horse wrote:we have like sixty two fucktillion stickies we don't need more nigerio
ok room
avatar
Mac B
CASIO MT220

Posts : 5393
volume of testosterone : 200732
Join date : 2015-04-20
Age : 154
Location : sweet baby rays

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by toby on April 3rd 2017, 9:03 pm

exactly
out of all the low energy nonsense that got stickied, why was this thread with content that was actually cool not stickied
avatar
toby
Toby

Posts : 5900
volume of testosterone : 117621
Join date : 2014-09-15
Age : 46
Location : toby

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by killa on korinth on April 4th 2017, 3:01 am

don't question it nibba

_________________
avatar
killa on korinth
hello?
hello?

Posts : 5019
volume of testosterone : 215070
Join date : 2014-09-01
Age : 18
Location : from tha slums of shaolin

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Ugly on April 5th 2017, 5:53 pm

oh my god i cant believe i missed this this is gold
avatar
Ugly
the commissioner

Posts : 4760
volume of testosterone : 128512
Join date : 2014-10-03
Age : 119
Location : OTTD is for good men.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: The Battle of Turbo Tonitruum

Post by Mac B on April 25th 2017, 6:48 am

Mac B wrote:history got us doin holokost journal responses, gave me a kinda idea for a sequel to this but it half baked fr
o yea i got down
watch out motherfuckers
avatar
Mac B
CASIO MT220

Posts : 5393
volume of testosterone : 200732
Join date : 2015-04-20
Age : 154
Location : sweet baby rays

View user profile

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum