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Post by alyaza on December 26th 2015, 3:06 pm


There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:

·         “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”

·         “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”

·         “You could never do what he/she does”

·         “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”

Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:

1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.

2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.

3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.

4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.

5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re beautiful – and everyone tells them that.

6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.

7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.

8.  They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them).

9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do want others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.

10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.

11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.

12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others.

What is Emotional Abuse?

An emotionally abusive person may “dismiss your feelings and needs, expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you into feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or blame you for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust characterize an emotionally abusive person”[1].  In summary, emotional abuse includes the following:

1. Acting as if a person has no value and worth; acting in ways that communicate that the person’s thoughts feelings and beliefs are stupid, don’t matter or should be ignored.

2. Calling the person names; putting them down; mocking, ridiculing, insulting or humiliating them, especially in public.

3. Controlling through fear and intimidation; coercing and terrorizing them; forcing them to witness violence or callousness; threatening to physically harm them, others they love, their animals or possessions; stalking them; threatening abandonment.

4. Isolating them from others, especially their friends and family; physically confining them; telling them how they should think, act, dress, what decisions they can make, who they can see and what they can do (limiting their freedom); controlling their financial affairs.

5. Using that person for your own advantage or gain; exploiting their rights; enticing or forcing another to behave in illegal ways (for example, selling drugs).

6. Stonewalling and ignoring another’s attempt to relate to and interact with them; deliberately emotionally detaching from a person in order to hurt them or “teach them a lesson”; refusing to communicate affection and warmth, or to meet their emotional and psychological needs.

RED FLAGS ABOUT ABUSE (cannibal-rainbow):


what to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless (dangerbabegang):
[size=36]What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless[/size]


  • Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food

  • grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread

  • different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.

  • some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit


  • Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment

  • sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it

  • Some churches offer short term residence

  • Find your nearest homeless shelter

  • Look for places that are open to the public

  • A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry


  • A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.

  • Public libraries have bathrooms you can use

  • Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.

  • Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver

  • Local beaches, go for a quick swim

  • Some truck stops have showers you can pay for

  • Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet

  • Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket


  • first aid kit

  •  sunscreen

  •  a travel alarm clock or watch

  •  mylar emergency blanket

  •  a backpack is a must

  •  downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards

  •  sleeping bag

  •  travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror

  •  swiss army knife

  •  can opener

how to grow the fuck up (veux3):

  • what the hell is a mortgage?

  • first apartment essentials checklist

  • how to care for cacti and succulents

  • the care and keeping of plants

  • Getting an apartment


  • earn rewards by taking polls

  • how to coupon

  • what to do when you can’t pay your bills

  • see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

  • how to save money

  • How to Balance a Check Book

  • How to do Your Own Taxes


  • how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

  • things to bring to a doctor’s appointment

  • how to get free therapy

  • what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment

  • how to make a doctor’s appointment

  • how to pick a health insurance plan

  • how to avoid a hangover

  • a list of stress relievers

  • how to remove a splinter


  • what to do if you get pulled over by a cop

  • a list of hotlines in a crisis

  • things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

  • how to do the heimlich maneuver


  • time management

  • create a resume

  • find the right career

  • how to pick a major

  • how to avoid a hangover

  • how to interview for a job

  • how to stop procrastinating

  • How to write cover letters



  • Traveling for Cheap

  • Travel Accessories

  • The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase

  • How To Read A Map

  • How to Apply For A Passport

  • How to Make A Travel Budget

Better You

  • read the news

  • leave your childhood traumas behind

  • how to quit smoking

  • how to knit

  • how to stop biting your nails

  • how to stop procrastinating

  • how to stop skipping breakfast

  • how to stop micromanaging

  • how to stop avoiding asking for help

  • how to stop swearing constantly

  • how to stop being a pushover

  • learn another language

  • how to improve your self-esteem

  • how to sew

  • learn how to embroider

  • how to love yourself

  • 100 tips for life

self-care masterpost (lah-disputes):
I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you!

Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe.



Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

  • -Draw something

  • -This website translates the time into colours.

  • -Create your own galaxy.

  • -Play flowing.

  • -Make a 3D line travel where ever you like.

  • -Listen to music.

  • -Calm.

  • -Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues;

  • - 8 hour sleep music.

  • -Rainy mood.

  • -Meditation.

  • -Coping with nightmares.

  • -How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

  • -Calm

  • -Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively.


Uncomfortable with silence;

  • -Rainy mood.

  • -10 hours of rain and thunder.

  • -3 hours of rain and thunder.

  • -Human heartbeat.

  • -Rainforest.

  • -Sound of rain on a tin roof.

  • -Autumn wind.

  • -Rain on a tent

  • -Traffic in the rain.

  • -Soft traffic.

  • -Fan.

  • -Train.

  • -Simply noise.

  • -My noise.

  • -Rainy cafe.


  • -How to stop worrying.

  • -Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

  • -The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques.

  • -Self-help strategies for anxiety.

  • -Helping a friend with anxiety.

  • -All about worrying.

  • -8 myths about anxiety.

Sad, angry and depressed/depression;

  • -“I’m always sad”

  • -Feeling sad.

  • -Going through trauma.

  • -“I’m always angry”.

  • -Anger management.

  • -All about anger.

  • -National helplines and websites.

  • -Self-help strategies for depression.

  • -Dealing with depression at work.

  • -Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness;

  • -Pets and mental health.

  • -All about loneliness.

  • -“I feel so alone”

  • -10 more ideas to help with loneliness.

  • -How to deal with loneliness.



  • -[url= Distractions and Alternatives FINAL.pdf]Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.[/url]

  • -146 things to do besides self-harm.

  • -More alternatives to self-harm.

  • -Self-harm alternatives.

  • -How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

  • -Getting rid of scars.  


  • -How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

  • -What is addiction?

  • -All about alcohol and addiction.

  • -The facts about drug addiction.


Eating disorders;

  • -Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

  • -Eating disorder treatments.

  • -Support services for eating disorders.

  • -Self-help tips with eating disorders.

  • -Eating disorder recovery.

  • -Recovering from an eating disorder.

  • -100+ reasons to recover.

  • -Understanding and managing eating disorders.


Dealing with self-hatred;  

  • -3 ways to ease self-loathing.

  • -How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

  • -Self-hatred resources.

  • -10 step plan to deal with self-hate.



  • -International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

  • -Preventing suicide.

  • -Reasons to stay alive.

  • -Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

  • -Coping with suicidal ideation.  



  • -All about schizophrenia.  

  • -Helping a person with schizophrenia.

  • -Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.

  • -Delusions and hallucinations.


  • -Managing your OCD at home.

  • -Overcoming OCD.

  • -How to cope with OCD.

  • -Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments.

Borderline personality disorder;

  • -Helping someone with BPD.

  • -All about personality disorders.

  • -Treatment for BPD.


  • -Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships.

  • -Emotional abuse

  • -Overcoming sexual abuse.

  • -Hotlines services.

  • -5 ways to escape an abusive relationship.

  • -Domestic violence support.

  • -Signs of an abusive relationship.

  • -What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship.

  • -Surviving abuse.

  • -What you can do if you’re sexual harassed.

  • -Sexual assault support.

  • -What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused.



  • -How to stand up against bullying.

  • -How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

  • -How to help stop people bullying you.


Loss and grief;

  • -How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

  • -Grieving for a stranger.

  • -Common reactions to death.

  • -Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

  • -Moving away from friends and family.

  • -Coping with a breakup.


Getting help;

  • -Seeking help early.

  • -All about psychological treatments.

  • -Types of help.

  • -All about age and confidentiality.

Things you need to remember;

  • - Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

  • -Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not.

  • - This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this.

  • -You are not alone.

  • -You are enough.

  • -You are important.

  • -You are worth it.

  • -You are strong.

  • -You are not a failure,

  • -Good people exist.

  • -Reaching out shows strength.

  • -Breathe.

  • -Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you.

  • -Give yourself credit.

  • -Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones.

  • -Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend.

  • -Focus on the things you can change.

  • -Let go of toxic people.

  • -You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do.

  • -Try not to beat yourself up.

  • -Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next.

  • -You are not a bother.

  • -Your existence is more than your appearance.

  • -You are smart.

  • -You are loved.

  • -You are wanted.

  • -You are needed.

  • -Better days are coming.

  • -Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright.

  • -You have more potential than you think.

  • - Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x

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